The power of Vangelis Chariots of Fire

Alone, I tried to calm down, but my heart was racing. I put on my earphones and thought I'd listen to Vangelis's Chariots of Fire on my Walkman. That would be quieting. But, no. That's when the hallucinations and my night of pure hell again.

I felt a strange power in my hands and if I held the recorder really rightly it hummed as if my energy was draining the batteries. I changed the tape before it finished, restlessly. I played the country and western one that John had said was his favourite.

Lying in my bed, the curtains open, I looked out the glass doors, up into the night sky and stared at the stars. They began to flicker and take shapes. I thought I saw a revolver. "Can you hear me, John?" I asked him if he loved me to flicker once for yes and twice for no. The star shone brightly once, then went out. I cried tears of happiness.