My week in a private clinic for the mentally ill

I missed the ambulance ride. When I wokeup I was in Cliniqua Botafoga, a private clinic for the mentally ill. Tammy had signed me in. Peter had paid for my very expensive stay there. My room had bars on the windows. I wasn't allowed in the courtyard.

I made a few friends with other young people there. It's hard when they keep you so drugged, so tranquilized. Mostly youjust sleep. It's hard to ask for things when you can't speak Portugese. Thank God for Maria. She'd read to me from the bible, translating St. John's Apocalypse. After, I told her proudly that I'd manage to outwit the nurse and hide one of the tranquilizers under my tongue and then spit itout, she told me: "No, Christina, don't do that. Be like a sheep and you will get out of this place. Be soft and quiet."

And Julio who wrote graffiti on the walls and let me lisen tohis most prized possession, his transistor radio, after I had dropped my Walkman and broke it. I'll never forget him.

I never really knew what had happened that night at the hotel in Rio. I agonized over whether my father was alive or dead. The Portugese psychiatrist spoke a little English, but I was too afraid to really make him understand. They wouldn't let me use thephone. I thought my brother Bill would somehow come for me and maybe get me out throughthe window late at night. Once when I saw a delivery truck in the courtyard I thought I'd make my own escape, but to where, with no money?"

Tammy brought me some of my clothes. She never stayed long. She seemed afrais of me. I still have the ripped up pieces of my business card on which I wrote:

"Thursday
Tammy,
When you saw me this morning and I was super OK as you recognized this may have been my last lucid moment because at lunch a few minutes ago I drank some whater into which they had put drugs in to calm me down and I even have difficulty putting my thoughts down now. But please always remember and know this -- I am as sane as you are and will remain so despite what they do to me here during my "involuntary" stay.
Please do your utmost to ensure that I get out of here as soon as possible so we can resume our vacation together and we can return hom together afterwards as planned. Don't show this to any "doctors" if you really want to help me. Keep it to yourself please pls.
Love,
Chrissie"
I thught better of it and never gave her the card.