My favourite five of Dave's Ten

Top Ten Good Things About Winning A Gold Medal (Presented By Olympic Gold Medal Winning Speed Skater, Chad Hedrick)

10. It holds 10,000 songs
8. As long as I'm in Italy, complimentary meatballs
7. It's accepted as a one hundred dollar chip at any Trump casino
2. I won a prestigious award without having to play a gay cowboy
1. It deflects stray gunshots from Dick Cheney